joke college essay

home > jokes > Hugh Gallagher's 'College Essay' It seems that Hugh Gallagher wrote this for a national writing contest, and that an Urban Legend has since arisen that he wrote it as an actual application essay. 18 June 1998, update. Hugh Gallagher emailed me(!), and said: I was happy to see my college essay on your site (by the the way, I did send it to colleges). So that's that Urban Legend laid to rest, then? He also said. and my first novel, Teeth, was published by Pocket Books this Spring. It's a coming of age tale about a guy with really messed up teeth, who goes travelling around the world instead of fixing his mouth. If it's told with anything like the style and wit of what follows, it should be great! 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON? I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
Skip to main content. Search for. Synonym Antonyms Definitions The Classroom » Higher Education Prep » Things Not to Put in a College Essay by Rebekah Richards, Demand Media College essays provide an opportunity to showcase an experience, accomplishment or personal quality. Related Articles How to Write College Admission Essay Tips How to Write a Good Transfer Essay How to Write a Thesis for a Diagnostic Essay How to Write a Short Essay on Why You Want to Study in a University Your college application essay can affect your chances of admission, especially if your grades, SAT scores or other criteria aren't as strong as you'd like. Writing an effective essay is challenging, so start early, write several drafts and seek feedback from teachers and mentors. While you can write college essays on a wide range of topics, some things should not be put in your essay. Repetitive Information Don't repeat information from the rest of your application in your essay. Admissions committees want to learn about your personal qualities and experiences, not reread a list of your achievements and extracurricular activities. In addition, don't brag about what you've done or appear too egotistical; write about what you learned from your experiences and focus on telling a story. Jokes and Sarcasm It's difficult to communicate humor through writing, and what seems hilarious to you or your friends may be less amusing to the admissions committee. Sarcasm and profanity are also very difficult to use successfully in formal writing, so don't take unnecessary risks. If you decide to include something edgy or risky, test it on your parents and teachers first, and remember the person reading your essay might have different political and social views than you and your peers. Cliches Admissions committees read hundreds of essays, so use an original theme rather than a hackneyed cliche. For example.
3 shares Sometimes, it’s all about getting your foot in the door. Imagine you’re a college admissions officer at a state university. You’ve spent the morning reading essays from high school students about the ways your school’s mascot, the Sleeping Goat, means something very personal to their lives. You’re about to take a well-deserved lunch break when you see a package on top of the next round of submissions. Opening the box, you find a single dirty sneaker with a note attached to the shoelace. “I figured this was the best way to get my foot in the door,” the note reads. It seems crazy, but unique college admissions tactics are no joke among students who are desperate to make a good impression among admissions officers. Check out our list of crazy admissions tactics that have actually worked, and find out how you can use these brilliant strategies for your own application process. Bring the big top to the interview room Crazy tactic: In one memorable interview, a student applying to the Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering set a few tiki torches ablaze and began to juggle them while talking to the admission official. It’s one way to prove you can juggle schoolwork and your performing duties in the circus. The shocked admissions rep recalled that the student’s ploy worked and he was admitted but mainly because he had the good grades to back up his antics. Make it work: Feel free to be unique and memorable with your essays, application and interview, but make sure you realize that in the end, your GPA will matter more than the jokes you tell. Unless you’re applying to clown college, keep the juggling to a minimum. Get friendly with the admissions board Crazy tactic: Using social media such as Facebook as an application tool is a recent trend. A survey by Kaplan, Inc. found that 71 percent of admissions officers at top schools reported that they had received a.
Bottom Line Most people don't know that the college admissions experience offers students and parents many opportunities for having a little fun. Reading about different schools in college guidebooks such as The Fiske Guide and Colleges That Change Lives can be very entertaining (as well as useful). Having a look at colleges at the likes of and is a kick. Visiting colleges can be a totally enjoyable experience for budding college applicants, parents and, sometimes, younger siblings. Even writing a college essay can be fun. What? you say, Writing an essay is fun? Get real! Okay, many students find answering essay questions the worst part of the application process. But if you write about something you care about and dare to be yourself, or perhaps use a bit of irony or tongue in cheek, you might just end up having a good time. Let's Have Some Fun Right Now Over the years, Stanford University has asked applicants to answer some variation of a Letter to your future roommate essay question, e.g., Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. Here is what one bushy-tailed student wrote: TO MY FUTURE ROOMMATE: IF YOU HAVE EVER-- l. Kidnapped your best friend at 3:00 a.m. with a bunch of buddies and taken him/her for an emergency milkshake run? 2. Made snow angels in the nude on the school ski trip when it's 0 degrees outside? 3. Told tourists that if they pee in the ocean, they'll attract great white sharks? 4. Re-enacted Monty Python and the Holy Grail in its entirety before your history class? 5. Taken apart your broken MP3 because you are sure that you can fix it? 6. In the middle of the summer, dressed up in all of your ski clothes, gone to the nearest 7-Eleven to buy ice blocks and.
With just two weeks before the deadline for early action and early decision applications to many colleges, I offer these examples of wrong-headedness in the admissions process. Many were sent to me by Joseph M. Connolly, a guidance counselor at New Oxford High School in New Oxford, Pa. , who has seen much on the job and in postings from counselors and admissions officers to the National Association for College Admission Counseling Web site. Members of my washingtonpost.com discussion group Admissions 101 also contributed. Remember, these are things you should NOT do. 1. Rack up as many extra points as you can for expressed interest in your favorite colleges. This particular obsession was new to me. Connolly has encountered applicants who have inundated admissions offices with voicemails, e-mails and snail mail because they have heard that colleges want concrete indications of interest and don't think you can overdo it. Believe me, you can. There is a fine line between showing adequate interest in the school and stalking, Connolly said. Unsolicited cakes, pies, cookies, sneakers (the old 'one foot in the door' trick), a life-sized statue of you holding an acceptance letter, or a painstakingly detailed scale model of the campus clock tower will not make up for a lackluster academic record. When colleges look for expressed interest, that means they hope that you will show up when their college reps visit your school, that you will visit their campuses and sign the visitor logs in their admissions offices and that you will get your application in on time with no loose ends. If you have a legitimate question, they are happy to receive your e-mail or telephone call. Doing more than that just makes you look desperate, and a little scary. 2. Don't worry about your postings on social networking sites -- college admissions officers understand your need for individual.
Common wisdom says that when it comes to employing humor in a college essay or personal statement, applicants should tread lightly. While humor can be certainly be appreciated and make an essay more colorful, it can also be a risky proposition. So, how are you supposed to navigate this potential literary landmine? Humor is difficult to negotiate because by nature it’s fairly subjective. Obviously, you don’t know the individuals who will be reading your essay. Therefore, it’s impossible to tailor a joke. And what might strike one admissions officer as amusing can easily strike another as inappropriate or simply not funny. Colleges are more likely to agree on the tenets of good writing than they are the tenets of a good joke. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to dispense with wit altogether. But, if you do choose to attempt humor, you need to be smart about your execution. To begin with, there’s no need to pepper jokes throughout your entire statement. After all, it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to adapt your essay and use it as material for a stand-up comedy showcase. Indeed, if you attempt to insert a “zinger” into every other line, chances are you’ll come across as immature. Admissions officers take the application process seriously and they expect prospective students to do the same. Moreover, should you opt to use humor, it’s vital that you keep your audience in mind. In other words, be sure to exercise good taste. A college essay is not the best time to push boundaries or test out edgy material. If you decide to include a joke or two, ask a few trusted friends, parents, guidance counselors and/or teachers to review what you wrote. Do they find it funny? Does it read as smart and insightful? If even one or two readers think it seems juvenile or unsuitable, it’s probably best to either revise the line or remove it altogether. Of course, a well.